May 23, 2017

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May 3, 2017

Finding my joy

Someone asked me today when the last time I felt "pure joy" was and I had to sit there and think about it.

I HAD TO SIT THERE AND THINK ABOUT IT!!!!

The answer didn't come screaming at me like a bright shooting star in the dark nights sky.
The answer didn't present itself with a beautiful bow atop sparkly paper.
No.
The answer eluded me.
It fucking ELUDED me.

And I had to tell him that I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure when the last time that I felt pure joy was. I couldn't remember the last time when I felt truly happy, without other thoughts or fears muddying it all up. And it pissed me right off because there's no reason on God's green earth why I shouldn't be ridiculously happy every moment of every day. There's no reason at all for my inability to pinpoint the last time I felt joy....

...I am a good person, with a good heart, who runs a successful business, has a dope son, who is a great baseball player, and I have the cutest dog in the history of dogs. I love what I do. I mean, I really, really, love what I do. I love my car (don't laugh, my car is important to me lol). I am super blessed and I am super grateful.

But apparently those two things don't equal joy.

So what the hell is my problem?

Is it the lack of love in my life? The one thing that I always said I didn't need or want? Is the lack of true love robbing me of my joy?  No, it can't be that. It can't be. I mean, I suppose it could be a part of it, but it can't be the whole thing. There has to be something else going on inside of me, but I can't seem to figure out WHAT it is exactly.

Listen, I'm not depressed or walking around all solemn, so please don't worry about me or take this blog post the wrong way. It was a just that a simple question was asked of me and it paved the way to something bigger in my mind.
And I want to fix it.
I do not want to be joy-less. I have no desire to live an unhappy life. That's not me at all.
I am all about the happy. I am all about finding your truth, following your heart and living a life that makes you truly fulfilled.

I want to live in JOY.
I want to find my JOY.
I always want to be truly happy.

So tell me...  what brings you joy? Have you found it? Where did you find it? Or do you feel like yours is missing too?  Maybe we can find our joy together. Opinions and suggestions welcome... unless you're going to call me crazy, cause tell me something I don't already know. lol :)